High Elf Fantasy Kingdom

An Elf's Adventures in the City State of Baron GayLord.
Read from start to ensure you follow what is happening

30 April 2005

The Gathering Armies

It appears that the awakened armies are gathering force. Phealmahtites has been gathering huge masses to herself. I don't think I've seen one as big as her's before. 'Tites are really massive. We may need several generals, as I imagine 'Tites will be too much for one man to handle.

Bonkinyerwife-Behindyurbak has expended great energies. Bonkinyerwife has previously brought great happiness to many. Obviously, this time it might be different, now that he has been awoken, and also awoken the great Pharoah. The High Priest has also gathered great forces and many have lined up for Bonkinyerwife. It will be interesting to see exactly how many that will be.

In the meantime, the Pharoah himself, Pnutsferballs, has been hard to find. Some have searched to see him, but it is difficult to see Pnutsferballs. My spies have been unable to inform me of Pnutsferballs whereabouts. They know he is there somewhere, but he seems obscured.

In the meantime, it looks like the City State here has heard of the gathering forces. I beleive that the human adventurers who awoke Bonkinyerwife, have returned, and are telling everyone about it. Each seems to have their own story about Bonkinyerwife and their part in it. I feel they are covering something up. Maybe they have more experience with Bonkinyerwife-Behindyurbak than any of us expected. I would not be surprised if the whole thing was deliberate, and they had had every intension of penetrating the tomb in order to get to Bonkinyerwife.

So I guess in summary:
'Tites are getting bigger than ever before.
We are having difficulty locating Pnutsferballs.
Large crowds are gathering for Bonkinyerwife-Behindyurbak.

We will see if the Baron Gaylord can raise a suitable army here in the city state to be of any effect. Can Gaylord locate Pnutsferballs? Will he take 'Tites in both hands and give her a decisive blow? And what about Bonkinyerwife? How will Gaylord handle that?

29 April 2005

Awakening of the Great Pharoah

Some stupid humans who were out adventuring have caused great problems. Apparently, while raiding the Great Pyramid of Rockcheops, they came across the tomb of the Great Pharoah Pnutsferballs. They accidently awoke the High Priest Bonkinyerwife-Behindyurbak. The High Priest in turn awoke the Pharoah and his Queen, Phealmahtites.

Great Pyramid of Rockcheops Posted by Hello
I was fortunate enough to get my hands on a map detailing the entrance to the tomb and some of the first level. As you know tomb is a well known spot for musicians to travel to as pilgrams. On a lot of occassions those musicians have gotten lost in and around the tomb. Many a time I have informed the less wise musician to know their Rockcheops. Still, some of them won't listen, and we can only imagine their embarassment of being caught in the same old traps.
We must stop the Priest and Pharoah from raising their undead army and assaulting the world. After all, Bonkinyerwife-Behindyurbak has lead to all sorts of problems in the past. We managed to put that behind us before. It is sad that we learn that Bonkinyerwife has once again been discovered. I'd hate for the general public to find out about it, it could prove embarrasing for all involved.
I will leave you to handle the rumours that might circulate about our Pnutsferballs problems. I'm sure you can handle these. After all, they aren't big at the moment. Some might even say, miniscule. They may get out of hand, but I am hoping if they do, they will remain quite small.
As for Phealmahtites, it leaves me red faced that I know it's happened again. 'Tites (shortened version of her name)has once again broken lose for all to see. Still, we hope to find ways to get 'Tites back under wraps. Hopefully a minimal amount of people will see 'Tities before we can get a hand on this problem.
I will send another report once more information comes to hand.


After plenty of magic to make myself look as human as possible, I have finally moved into the human city. My main purpose being to infiltrate the human social heirarchy and gather information of human activities. These I will report back to my superiors in the High Elf Kingdom. We are very worried with the state of the planet. We need to stop the humans from wasting away what is left of the Earth's natural resources.

I've moved into a middle class neighbourhood, and set up a clinic as a Medicinal Practitioner. On the North of my practice (number 69) is the "Gay Warriors Guild and Disco Dance Club". It is good to know that inspite of their harsh lifestyle, they maintain a joviality about their work. To the right of my practice (number 73) is the "Amalgamated Guild of Assassins and Chartered Accountants".

As soon as I get the time, I will pay for an artist to paint a small painting of my medicinal shop to send back to all you High Elves who await with anticipation my information and advice on how to stop this plague of mad monkeys (aka humans) from causing more havoc to the environment.

I have been having some problems with the Dance Club next door. It opens early in the evening and maintains a loud noise level till all hours of the morning. I worry that thewives of these happy warriors are waiting for them at home, sick to death not knowing where their spouses are. At least I assume this, as I have seen very few women entering the club. I wonder if they deliberately leave them at home in order to get drunk and cavort around without fear of recrimination from aforementioned spouses.

In the meantime, I had better visit the guild on the other side of my shop in order to see a Chartered Accountant. I get chills everytime I think of visiting such a place. I guess Chartered Accountants are enough to scare the willies off any man. Still, I need to ensure my business is set up correctly with the local finacial practices. The last thing I want is a horde of these creatures knocking on my door in order to perform an audit on me. Eeeeewwwww, more chills!